Living the Half Full Life

With the New Year, people all over are pondering what the previous year has brought us. All the good, the bad, the in-between一be it what it was, 2022 is over. It is now a part of our history. 

Now we have this new year, 2023. We have no idea what this next year has in store for us. 

For some, the change and new beginnings of a New Year brings hope and excitement. For others, the thought of change and new beginnings is terrifying. 

Living with my anxiety means change can be terrifying for me. I like being able to predict what happens in my life. I like knowing what my next step is. The unknown is uncomfortable and sometimes so debilitating, I will usually be miserable until I can figure out what my next path will be.

For example, I recently graduated college last April. Usually, this is an exciting time period and promises those same new beginnings we talked about. But no matter how much I wanted to enjoy the end of homework and tests, I just couldn’t. 

I couldn’t imagine life without my school schedule and being a student and it was freaking me out. Up until that point, my life had been planned out. I knew I would graduate high school, serve a mission for my church, go to college, graduate…then what?

The unknown is scary. I think everyone can agree to that to some extent. The unknown has driven my anxiety and depression to all new highs and lows. Unfortunately, I have let it fester in my life for a while, being angry that life moves on. 

However, I am starting to see the benefit of change一how it allows you to experience new things to be happy about. It gives you an opportunity to grow. 

However, one facet of my anxiety is sticking with routine and avoiding change. I enjoy relying on the constants in my life which, in theory, it leaves little to worry about. Take away the anxiety, and I think there’s a part of my personality that likes change. I likes something new and refreshing. 

For me, my anxiety usually ends up winning. It tells me, “What if my situation will be worse?”

“What if I will be unhappy?”

“What if this change makes the ones I love unhappy?”

“What if it hurts others or myself?”

All these “what ifs” tend to make it hard to move forward in my life. I become more scared of the unknown, and in the end just stay where I am instead of making changes that could improve my life.

But I suppose a caterpillar doesn’t know what flying is like until it becomes a butterfly. Up until that point, its grounded. And while I love the ground, what if I love flying too?

I recently read a book called “Who Moved My Cheese?” By Dr. Spencer Johnson. It’s is an excellent book if you need some help embracing change. The entire thing is a big metaphor for people who do or don’t learn how to embrace change and how it can benefit your life to roll with change. 

One of my favorite quotes from the book is “What would you do if you weren’t afraid?” (Pg. 48) 

It got me thinking一what would I do if my fear and anxiety were gone? I like to think I would be living life to its fullest, taking chances and enjoying new experiences. And that’s the life I want to live. 

So with this new year, I challenge you to move beyond fear with me. To quote the book again, “When you move beyond fear, you feel free.” (pg. 56)  This doesn’t mean anxiety will cease to exist, however it will allow us to live amazing lives despite it.