Living the Half Full Life

I broke a promise. 

I told my friend I would stop taking online quizzes to determine how I viewed myself. It is a rather horrible addiction of mine, especially answering the questions with a depressive disorder. When you pick all the sad Taylor Swift songs in a buzzfeed quiz figuring out what your relationship status is, it tends to be a pretty negative result. 

My problem is, I still get disappointed when I see the results and see how problematic these online quizzes determine me to be. 

I just took an anxiety screening test that told me I have severe anxiety.

Well duh, I already knew that. But I was still disappointed regardless. Almost as if I was hoping it would magically say, “Congrats, you have overcome your anxiety!”

But after years of therapy, I had to remind myself to use it to my advantage. I do a lot with my life, regardless of the anxiety and depression. I have used my struggles to find ways to be better. I have found meaning amidst the trial.

Positive psychologist Emily Esfahani Smith has studied that when we chase happiness, we seem to constantly allude it. But when we start to create meaning with our life, that is what really gives us. 

If I am completely honest, I have found more resignation to stay alive when I have meaning and a purpose to keep going, rather than when I am simply “happy.”

Happiness can and will fade.

But meaning persists. 

Emily Esfahani Smith gave a TED talk highlighting the four pillars of meaning. The first three made sense to me, and fill books on how helpful they are to the human experience. However, the last one I found rather intriguing. 

Story telling.

Or rather, how we tell our story to ourselves. 

This understanding made me look back on when I started this blog. For a long time, I felt like my mental illness was something I had to survive with. Until one day I realized I was becoming someone stronger. I was growing. And I had to share it somewhere. 

Because for a long time what I told myself was that I spent way too much time crying alone on my bathroom floor. But I changed it.

Because I started realizing I got myself up from that floor. 

I realized I was improving.

And I knew I had to document it somehow. Maybe just so I could look back on it to see how I changed. No one would see it, just me.

Well, the whole “no one will read it” did not go to plan, but documenting my experiences has been incredibly therapeutic and I realized it was helping others feel less alone as well. 

Others who also have stories to tell of their own meaningful lives. 

This blog started out as a way for me to share my story and give support to people who are struggling, letting them know they are not alone. Adding some psychology facts in there to be more credible.

But I want Living the Half Full life to be more than that. I want us to be a community who understands that life is hard, but we are working together to see the good, make the good, and be the good. 

I have shared my story.

Get ready to hear others.

All of our lives have meaning. We need simply to recognize it. 

Living the Half Full Life will now not only have blog posts written by Maddie Critchfield, but will now include narratives from others struggling with mental illness and the hardships of life in general. Let Maddie know if you want to share your story.