Living the Half Full Life

We are only one month into 2021 and it is looking VERY interesting indeed. 

I am all about having a positive outlook on life, I made this blog to better increase positivity amidst the struggles of life, and I think there needs to be more positivity in this world.

 But I don’t think we should sacrifice being genuine. I have a firm belief we can be real and still be positive. 

 Positive Psychology is a science of human strengths and virtues.People often assume positive psychology is the study of how to be happy. It is a bit more than that. Examining human thriving and peak experiences. It is still a study of humanity. And simply put, there is a lot wrong with humanity. 

But there is also good.

 So much good. 

And it needs to be appreciated

Sometime before I realized I had a depressive disorder and started actively doing something about it, I was a little missionary in the beautiful country of Denmark. It was the dead of winter, and very dark. I had just started my mission and was going through a lot of life adjustments while dealing with a lack of vitamin D, going from sunny Arizona to the dark of a Danish winter.

I was incredibly blessed to have two compassionate, amazing companions at the time who helped me get through that. One of them offered me some sage advice: take ten seconds every day to appreciate Denmark. Because while I loved my mission and will always be so thankful for it, I did not always love being a missionary. But I did love living in a European country. It is probably one of the coolest things I have done in my life. So we were going to appreciate it.

And did we. Every single day, we made it a goal to take 10 seconds to appreciate Denmark; whether we were walking around the castle we lived by, driving along the Danish countryside, or enjoying a pastry, one of us would remind the other two to take 10 seconds to appreciate that moment. 

Soon, I would learn to do the same for being a missionary. 

After my mission, I knew I had to do the same for life in general. 

I have been needing to take 10 seconds to appreciate the education I am receiving in college; the beautiful mountains I live by in Provo, Utah; the new people I get to meet almost constantly. There is so much good to be appreciated. 

But life does not just consist of the good. And I have a firm belief that to fully appreciate the good, you also have to appreciate the bad.

As positive psychologist Tal Ben Shahar says, “Painful emotions are as much a part of human nature as the law of gravity is a part of physical nature.”

Appreciate the struggles you have gone through—that test you failed, that breakup you just experienced, the pain of losing a loved one, the mental disorder you are fighting—because that is still a part of your life. And your life is worth appreciating. 

We don’t need to live our lives thinking it should be all sunshine and rainbows. Because those come after storms. That is called toxic positivity, and it doesn’t do anyone favors. 

So what do we do to avoid this toxic positivity? What does it even look like? 

When I do it, it is usually me faking a smile and pretending to be doing great when I feel like dying inside. That ain’t genuine, and it’s lying. It is not appreciating my life for what it is. 

I am not always doing great. But I will be ok eventually. That is having hope. That is being honest. Let’s stop pretending we are all “good” all the time and allow emotions other than “good” to be talked about.

To those who have depressed loved ones: I love you for trying to help them. Please keep helping them. I am going to be honest though, telling someone who is depressed to be positive and just look for the good can hurt. I can’t speak for everyone, but I know for me, I am trying to see the good.

 Desperately.

If I am talking to you about my problems I feel like you ARE a good part of my life, and am finding hope in you listening and being there. I hate it when life feels dark because I just want to see the light. 

Now you might ask; “so Maddie, what do I do instead, because I am not a therapist, I have not been trained for this, and I feel completely lost as to how to help?” 

Well, I am also not a licensed therapist, but as someone who has been through therapy, and is studying and training to be a therapist, there is one thing that really can help, and  anyone can do it. 

Listen. 

And really listen. Ask questions. Help them feel seen. Appreciate what they are going through. Let them know you care about them and are there to help in whatever way you can.  Help them know you want to help them heal. And it means the world if you check in on them later.

The reason I am still here to write this post is because there were people who I know cared. Who were supporting me. I knew my friends and family could not fix whatever was going on in my brain. But that sense of love and belonging and feeling seen helped me feel peace, and I have found that to help me fight against the mental illness. 

I appreciate those who have been there and I have probably taken more than 10 seconds to appreciate you. 

So to everyone, take 10 seconds every day to appreciate the good, the bad, and the ugly. Because people appreciate you, and those experiences have made you who you are.