Living the Half Full Life

I spent the last week in isolation due to COVID. I was not really sick,  I just lost my taste and smell and was quite fatigued. 

But I hate isolation. I hate what it does to my mind. The anxiety skyrockets, and I didn’t know what to do. 

But then I remembered something that has gotten me through times like this. 

Sometimes you need to slow down. Take a break. Breathe. 

I was in isolation and not doing a lot, but I had the hardest time doing school work. I wanted to sleep, and could not concentrate. 

I beat myself up at the beginning. But then decided “screw it I have the freaking plague,” and let myself sleep as much as I needed to. Once I decided to take care of my body and my mind, I felt like I could breath normally. I felt happier despite the fact that I was in isolation and could only really leave my bedroom to get food, wearing a mask and wiping down every surface I touched. I knew it would end. And honestly who doesn’t want an excuse to sleep all day?

Sometimes we need to allow ourselves to slow  down. 

Look at trees. When storms come and the trees feel they are going to be uprooted, they stop using their energy to grow, and instead use their energy to preserve the roots. 

One of my favorite poems is called “Good Timber” by Douglas Malloch:

The tree that never had to fight
For sun and sky and air and light,
But stood out in the open plain
And always got its share of rain,
Never became a forest king
But lived and died a scrubby thing.
The man who never had to toil
To gain and farm his patch of soil,
Who never had to win his share
Of sun and sky and light and air,
Never became a manly man
But lived and died as he began.
Good timber does not grow with ease:
The stronger wind, the stronger trees;
The further sky, the greater length;
The more the storm, the more the strength.
By sun and cold, by rain and snow,
In trees and men good timbers grow.
Where thickest lies the forest growth,
We find the patriarchs of both.
And they hold counsel with the stars
Whose broken branches show the scars
Of many winds and much of strife.
This is the common law of life.

I feel like 2020 hasn’t been a year of ease for anyone. However, from it we will be stronger.

But don’t beat yourself up if you need to slow down, and focus on your basic needs when life gets to be a little too much. 

So take time to breathe. To take a nap if needed. Like a tree cannot grow if it gets uprooted, we cannot grow if we don’t take care of our basic needs when we are struggling. 

But the storms will pass. Life will get better. You will get better. Just be patient, and be merciful to yourself. It is ok to be human.