Living the Half Full Life

At one point this week my sister and I were up at about 1a.m. doing homework, and I looked at her, incredibly exhausted, and said, “It has been such a long week and it’s only Tuesday.”

This week was stressful. Midterms are upon us, and I have been stressing my brains out trying to study and complete assignments. When I am super stressed out, I find my mental health starts to slip. Which was incredibly frustrating because I had been in a good place for a long time—the longest period of time I could remember. 

But that just be life sometimes. It gets stressful, there is no escaping that. And mental health is not always going to be sunshine, lollipops and rainbows everywhere. 

My therapist once used an analogy to help me understand my mental health needs. He told me to think of a runner with a bad knee. The runner does not necessarily have to stop running just because of the knee. They have to take care of it, understand their limits, and probably ice it for a few days after a run. But that does not mean they have to give up doing what they love. 

The same goes for mental health. There are lots of things that are not great for my anxiety (school, for example), but that does not mean I have to drop out of school. I have to understand my limits. If I can’t see through my tears while studying, I probably need to take a break. (Haha, it only happened once…maybe twice.) 

Sometimes when I am overwhelmed, I need to find something to fit into my day that makes me happy. One thing I’ve learned about myself: if  I have something scheduled to make me happy, I am more likely to do it then just burn myself out with homework or cry. 

Like one of my favorite classes this semester: Beginning Polynesian Dance. I get to listen to beautiful polynesian music and feel like I am in Lilo and Stitch for two hours a week and I absolutely love it. I feel mentally refreshed afterwards. 

I also have to schedule time to be with people. For example, I asked a friend earlier this week if I could come over and play cards when we were done with our homework, and it helped me stay motivated to finish my work so that afterwards I could actually laugh, have fun with friends, and enjoy life. 

However, sometimes my depressive and anxiety symptoms are a little strong and I don’t want to get out of bed. Those days are hard. I had a few of those this week. If it is hard to get out of bed, it is so much more difficult to try and do productive stuff with my day. When those days come, I have to remind myself of the things I did and be proud of the little accomplishments. 

For example, by Saturday I had hit a rough point with the mental illness symptoms. But a friend invited me to go to the farmers market with her so I got myself out of bed and enjoyed the morning with my friend and people in my community. Another friend invited me to attend an outdoor yoga group, so we went and did yoga in a meadow in a canyon. 

Yes, I did yoga here and let me tell you, I felt so zen afterwards. 

As I was explaining to a close friend how my day went Saturday, I vented some of my frustrations about all the areas I was falling short. I didn’t study like I had planned, I was exhausted, and felt like I could be a much better friend to so many people and she just listened. But when I was done, she reminded me that no one can give 100% all of the time. There it is, my old enemy perfectionism. However, that’s just not the way we were made. She said to remember the triumphs I did have that day: I went to the farmers market with a friend I hadn’t seen in a while, I did yoga and took care of my physical health, and I got out of bed even when I didn’t want to. 

When life gets too much, I like to think of the song from the stop motion animation movie, “Santa Claus is Coming to Town.” Just “put one foot in front of the other, and soon you’ll be walking out the door.” (Thia song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OORsz2d1H7s).  Just take life one step at a time. Don’t look at everything that needs to get done, look at what you have to do right now, and tackle one task at a time. 

And don’t forget that if you are beginning to feel burnt out, take time to heal. Find what you enjoy, or what makes life happy for you. As one Gordon B. Hinkley (one of the late leaders of my church) would say, “life is meant to be enjoyed, not just endured.” 

I have to keep reminding myself that it will all be ok, that I have got this. 

I’ve got this. 

You’ve got this. 

We are going to get through this. Even in the most stressful parts of life, there are always things that make me smile and keep me going. I am going to look for them, and I challenge you to do so as well.